A Fat Girl's Guide to Wedding Planning

With the nuptials of my daughter, I have had no time to add to this blog. But now that it is over, I can sit and reflect. It was a wonderful wedding! It was elegant and sophisticated without breaking the bank.
Fat or thin, my advice is the same: stay calm and enjoy every moment of planning. My daughter knew exactly what she wanted. We had a few disagreements, but I enjoyed spending time with her; all the running around and shopping. She was the calmest, most laid-back bride I ever saw. That made me alot calmer. I didn't want it to be over, so I savored every moment.
Here's a few tips. You need at least 8 months to plan a wedding. After sitting down with the groom and deciding the size of the wedding, pick a date and a budget. The budget is very important!!! You can have a beautiful wedding by remembering "less is more". Pick the type of wedding you want; formal, semi-formal, casual. Meet with you clergy and reserve the church. Pick a venue for the reception. Shop around. Taste the food. Take advantage of all-inclusive package deals. Look for discounts. Saving 5% or 10% off here and there can add up. Look for free alterations on bridesmaid dresses and free groom tuxedo when you rent 3 or more grooms men's. Friday and Sunday weddings carry extra discounts because your vendors can book more than one wedding in a weekend. Take advantage of the ideas posted on wedding web-sites like WeddingChannel.com and Brides.com. But don't do your shopping online...get out there and get touchy-feely with everything.
The Frugal Bride.com has an excellent checklist of things that must be done with a time-line. It is the most helpful thing to lessen stress. Keep a notebook with pictures of flowers and hairstyles to show your florist and stylist of things you like.
One thing my daughter and I disagreed upon was lighting for the reception. She insisted on hiring a lighting company for ambiance. I thought it was a waste of money, but when I saw it, she was right. The lighting made the room look more romantic and hid alot of flaws in the old worn-out ballroom. It was well worth it.
You want your guests to have fun! But don't forget to enjoy your own wedding and have fun, too. Act like a lady at all times. Make your day memorable and beautiful for yourself, your groom, your family, and all your guests.

A Fat Girl's Guide To Family

I have to share that I had a wonderful Mother's Day! My daughter had been home for almost a month doing wedding stuff, and we had a great time! My house has had a make-over with fresh paint inside and some furniture rearranging. So you see why I have not written for a long time.
My children, in addition to their presence here with me for Mother's Day, gave me a very special gift, an icon of the Myrrhbearing Women. St.Susanna is one of the Holy Myrrhbearers and the Feastday was the Sunday before Mother's Day.
We had a lovely dinner at the Inne of the Abingtons which is to be the venue for Alex and Megan's wedding next spring. I shared the day with Megan's mother and my mother. Ezio, Gianni, and Charlie rounded out our table.
When my children were young, I was so busy working and taking care of them, I didn't have much time for my nieces and nephews and cousins. As they got older and my own children left the nest, my extended family became more important to me. It would have been wonderful to have lived in the same town, gone to the same church, and shared each other's company for all the birthdays and holidays. That's how I grew up. Every Sunday was a family dinner with 2 sets of grandparents and aunts, uncles, and cousins everywhere.
Time passes; people die; we all get busy with our hustle and bustle of daily living. I have wonderful memories and look forward to making memories with my future grandchildren. Cherish your family while you have them. Try not to fight or argue. I miss my sister, still, but that is her choice not to communicate with the rest of us. Family is important. I hope and pray that she will come back to us. Keep your family close and love them.

A FAT GIRL'S GUIDE TO HOME DECORATING

Are you traditional, modern, eclectic? What's your style? Like your clothes, your home reflects your personality. I always wanted a dream house with rooms that looked like they came out of a magazine. As I look around my home now, I am critical of the paint and maintenance more than the furnishings.
First and foremost, is your home clean? No matter how shabby and worn or how elegant and expensive a clean home is imperative. With 3 dogs and a husband, it is almost a full-time job to keep the house clean. When my kids were home, they helped a lot. Everyone had chores. Even a 2-year-old can pick up his/her toys and help dust.
Regular maintenance is important, too. Broken cupboard doors and loose tiles need to be fixed. If you're a smoker, your rooms need to be painted every couple years. Non-smokers can go longer. I like to paint every couple years to freshen and update the look of things.
So now your house is clean and freshly painted. Let's talk about "stuff". You know, the clutter you just can't bear to part with. Once a year I try to go through the house and get rid of "stuff." These items usually go to charity or you can have a yard sale. I still have alot of clutter and stuff I absolutely will not get rid of. These things usually have sentimental value, are collectibles, or are things we picked up on our travels. Around this stuff, my style has developed.
I'm not fond of industrial, minimalist, ultra-modern, or art-deco styles. In someone else's house or on HGTV I can admire those styles, but it's not for me. Whatever you choose, you have to live with it for a long time. I am eclectic. I like a mix of everything...a litte Tuscany, some country, a touch of traditional, a mix of Mediterranean, and don't forget to throw in the Victorian and Middle Eastern. Gee, did I miss any? But that is my home...colorful, with lots of things on the walls including my framed Turkish rug and my grandfather's paintings. Family photos are in frames on several tables and on the piano. Religious icons have their special place.
My furniture is comfortable. Some is old like my great-grandmother's china closet and my mother's coffee table. They don't match, but they're unusual, beautiful pieces. Some pieces are crazy like my red floral couch and my leopard ottoman. Somehow, it all reflects ME! I want to feel comforted, cozy, and surrounded by memories.
When someone walks into my home, they see that I like to travel, I like to read, I have dogs, I love listening and playing music, and I love my church and family. What does your home say about you?

A Fat Girl's Guide to Romance

I can remember a time, when I was young, being very desperate to find love. I seemed to attract rejects. The thin beautiful girls got the football players and popular guys. I didn't realize until much later that they were just as desperate as I, only they were "putting out" and had reputations as being "easy". I was a good girl. It wasn't because I was fat that I didn't have many dates. I had oodles of friends. It was because I was a good girl that I didn't have many dates.
My best friend in high school was sort of a "fruitcake". He was like having a best girlfriend. We were friends since grade school. He did ask me to marry him at one point, but he didn't like children, and I wanted a family. So we went our separate ways after high school.
My parents were very strict. I always seemed to gravitate to older men, so that gave my parents some headaches. My first steady boyfriend was 19 to my 16. That ended when I went off to college. Older men were more mature and able to look beyond the fat to the nice, pretty (yes, I said pretty) girl underneath. With size 6 being the norm, they liked the curves and voluptuousness of a size 16. I started to feel sexy, smart, and independent.
I was always a romance junky. I love romance novels to this day. I love romantic songs, too. It all started with Disney. Snow White's song "Someday My Prince Will Come"; Sleeping Beauty's "Once Upon A Dream"; and my all time favorite, Cinderella"s "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes" and "So This Is Love". How can a little girl not have fanciful notions of growing up and marrying her prince.
I have been lucky in love, but not always in romance. There is a difference. Reality has hit me in the face many times, but I'm still a romantic, emotional person. I have never given up hope and have always kept an open mind and heart.
I continue to read romance novels. Of course now they are quite lusty and grown up. I love the regency England time period. Some of my favorite authors include: Johanna Lindsay, Mary Balogh, Celeste Bradley, Lisa Kleypas, and Stephanie Laurens. Reading is a quiet, calm escape that allows you to continue dreaming of that prince, or duke, or viscount. And, you never get too old to dream.

A Fat Girl's Guide to Having Pets:

I love animals. If my father would have allowed and encouraged it, I would have become a vet instead of a nurse. When I was 5 I had a collie/setter mix named Lassie, of course. My parents gave her away when we were moving to our new house because my mother didn't want a dog. When I was 12 my cousin and I took up horseback riding and would go to the ranch every Saturday.
My son was 3 when we got our first family dog, Nikki, a collie/lab mix. My daughter wanted a kitten when she was in first grade, so we adopted Sheba from the shelter. About six years later, a patient who was dying of cancer begged me to take her cat, Samson. He was a lovable, huge, Maine Coon cat. About a year later, Alex found a stray kitten on a very cold night. We named him Rocky. We also had several goldfish that Justina always managed to win at carnivals. And we must not forget the adopted cockatiel, Thomas. I certainly made sure my children had the menagerie I was denied. And we all lived happily, crazily, ever after.
The children grew up and left, my husband, Jack, died, and the animals got old and eventually passed on, also. I hadn't met Charlie yet, so off I went one day to the Humane Society and adopted a 5 year old Bichon named Lucky.
Pet ownership is a big commitment, but they give you unconditional love and loyalty. I am a big fan of Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer. Dogs need exercise, discipline, and affection in that order. I am now a pack leader with 2 more adoptees, Stan, a Westie, and Hampton, a Llaso Apso. I've had all 3 for several years now. When Charlie came into the picture, it was "love me, love my dogs".
I keep saying I need a cat, but Lucky and Stan would never welcome a cat into the house. It's just as well. The feeding, grooming, and veterinary care for 3 dogs is quite a lot.
Pets bring us joy and are actually good for our health. The dogs make me get fresh air and exercise. Petting a dog or cat can even lower your blood pressure.
So whether you're a cat person, a dog person, a bird person, or love all animals and have a menagerie, enjoy your pets, love them, take care of them, and live happily, crazily, ever after.

A FAT GIRL'S GUIDE TO FASHION:

I love fashion! I love clothes, shoes, scarves, jewelry, and purses! I love color! My grandfather was an artist, a painter, married to my grandmother, a musician. They never had much money, but they raised 5 children in a home filled with love. I spent a great deal of time with them. My other set of grandparents lived two blocks away, and I spent quite a bit of time with them also. My grandfather made wine and furniture, had a fabulous garden, and played the violin. My grandmother was a member of the garment worker's union and worked in a factory that made dresses with the Leslie Faye label. My mother made almost all of my clothes. I was surrounded by color, talent, and creativity.

Because my mother was perpetually on a diet and thought she was fat, (sometimes she was and sometimes she wasn't) and my great-grandmother always wore black, my mother loved and still loves black clothing. It was slimming, it made you inconspicuous, it was classy, blah,blah,blah...

I own some black clothing, now, but somewhere in my 20's I rebelled against black. I was not in mourning. I didn't want to be inconspicuous. I liked to be flamboyant and fun! Black did not reflect my personality AT ALL!

Fat people don't have to be afraid of color. Clothes have to fit properly and be comfortable. Patterns and colors should blend and go together. I love high heels, but can rarely wear them because of my leg problems. Remember, if your feet hurt, you'll be a crab-ass no matter what you're wearing. Don't forget to accessorize. Scarves, pins, and jewelry reflect your personality and can dress up the plainest outfit. Don't forget the BLING! A great bag with a designer label is a must! I'm all for lower-priced knock-offs if you can't afford a designer bag. Or you can try that website where you can rent designer bags, then send them back. Your bag has to make a statement as well as be functional. I'm not big on make-up. Just a little to accent your best features, but nothing to look fake and caked. A great haircut and color or highlights is also a must-have. Don't forget to pay attention to your nails, hands and feet.

My mother had a saying that it takes a lot of work for a fat person to look nice, and a thin person can wear a burlap bag and a belt and look nice. Guess what? MY MOTHER IS WRONG!!! A thin person has to work at looking nice, too. I know a lot of thin people who don't know how to dress, who don't take care of themselves, and basically look like hell. So fat or thin, everyone has to put the same amount of effort into looking good.

Start naked. You are a blank canvas. Moisturize your skin and take care of your hair and nails. Don't forget the proper undergarments (foundations they used to call them in the old days). As you age, you MUST wear a bra. Spanx and Lipo In A Box give the illusion of a 5 pound weight loss immediately without unsightly lines and bulges and they are comfortable. Your bra must fit properly. Most women wear the wrong size bra. Don't be embarrassed to get fitted by a professional. Embrace your curves. Love your body. Get dressed and have fun with your wardrobe!

A FAT GIRL'S GUIDE TO LOVE:

Reflecting on love this Valentine's Day, I realize that I am a very lucky woman when it comes to love. Love is not all about hearts and flowers and romance. There are lots of different kinds of love, and I have them all.

I grew up with loving parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Being the oldest of the oldest, without cousins or siblings for 5 years, I had plenty of attention. Unfortunately everyone fed me because that was a sign of affection. So I was a chubby child with sausage curls. (Hmmm sausage curls to match the sausage body?)

My teenage years were full of angst like all teenagers. I was still fat while Twiggy was in. But I was smart and talented, too. I dated older guys because they were mature enough to see beyond my size to the person beneath.

I met my first husband, Jack, when I was 19. He was 10 years older than me. We have 2 grown children of whom I am VERY PROUD! We were married almost 24 years when he passed away.

I'm married to Charlie almost 2 years. Talk about an older man, he's the same age as my mother. But, he has the enthusiasm of a teenager, and we have a great time together!

I feel very blessed to be loved by both these men. I feel blessed to be loved and have great relationships with my children. I'm thankful that my mother is alive and in good health, as well as my wonderful aunts. I have cousins,nieces,nephews,a terrific Church family and lots of friends.

To feel love you have to open your heart and give love. (I think that line is in a song) Yes, there are risks, and sometimes feelings get hurt, but there is such a thing as FORGIVENESS. So you hug and kiss and make up.

So HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all those I love and who love me back! And if my sister sees this blog: I LOVE YOU! I MISS YOU!

Our Fabulous Winter Get Away

I haven't written for a long time. We were on a fabulous cruise from LA, through the Panama Canal, ending in Florida. We just got back and I would like to share some pictures with you.

THE HOLIDAYS

For many this is the time of the post-holiday blues. For me, the holiday climax is just 2 days away. There's so much preparation for the holidays, it starts just after Halloween. Then BOOM! one day and it's over. My first husband was raised in the Russian Orthodox Church. I was raised Roman Catholic. After our children were born, I began studying the Orthodox Faith, and converted. The traditions of the Orthodox Church are unique and indescribable. I love my Church, I love my Church Family, and I love Jesus Christ. I would not have gotten through the hard times without HIM. My first husband passed away too young. The children are grown. I now have a wonderful husband, Charlie. We've been married it will be 2 years this spring. Yes, you can find love, again. I am very blessed to have a multitude of wonderful people in my life!
When I say that the climax of the holiday is 2 days away, it means that we will be celebrating the Nativity of Christ on January 7th. This is "Russian Christmas" as so many people call it around here. I've been preparing, like everyone else. The cookies are baked, the turkey is thawing, the presents are bought and wrapped. I celebrated with my "western" friends and family. We exchanged gifts, and I spent a lovely December 24th at my mother's house with all my nieces and nephews.
I feel blessed that my Christmas doesn't last one day. On January 8th there will be feasting and caroling. I'm having a party on the 9th. By the time I take the tree down, I will be ready for it to come down. But as the end of January approaches, and February and March continue to be full of winter's cold and dreariness, the post holiday blues don't have to set in for anyone.
Here's some tips: Have a party for no reason, just to get together with friends and family. Take a vacation to someplace warm. Mexico, Florida, or Puerto Rico are only a few hours away by plane. Even a long weekend will thaw out those cold bones. Start a new project; learn a craft. Knitting is always a favorite of mine in the winter.
But don't forget, our calendar is full of holidays and the Church Calendar is full of Feast Days. There's always something to look forward to. That's the key. Look forward! Don't look back.
I have a busy 2009 in store for me. We're taking a cruise to the Panama Canal. My daughter is getting married this summer. I just retired and have so many projects and things to do, I think I'll be busier than when I was working.
I'm also very thankful and grateful to my husband that I am able to take a early retirement. And winter doesn't last forever. Spring is coming soon!